My Journey

If someone told me that there will be a day I will accept the Lord into my heart, I probably would have thought they were crazy. But here I am today to tell you, I have accepted Him and how much it has changed me. My journey didn't just start in 2018, it started in the Spring of 2017.
   Apart of me was in denial and the other part wanted to accept what was happening. It all started on Sunday at church, as I was walking in with my family, I felt a warm fuzzy feeling through my body. It wasn't the normal warm fuzzy feeling that you would get coming in from the cold winter weather. My whole body from my head to my toes started getting really warm. Once the service started I felt like I had tunnel vision, the only person I could see or hear was the pastor. This happened throughout the whole service. The room also had such a warm glow to it that made everything comfortable, as the pastor was preaching, I felt like he was directly talking to me. To be honest, it scared me, this had never happened to me before, so once service was done I just kind of shrugged it off. Though I felt emotional these emotions were different and they came to me all at once and I had no control over them.
   Next Sunday came and it happened again as I walked into the church. I got the warm fuzzy feeling, the tunnel vision, room getting the warm bright glow and once again it felt like the pastor was talking directly to me. This Sunday though I couldn't shrug it off, this time it scared me more and I was more emotional than the Sunday before. I ended up running out of the church crying from all the emotion I was feeling and not knowing what was going on.
    At this time I didn't know what really was going on with me. I didn't know I was under conviction and that God was trying to talk to me both those Sundays. After all of this, I stopped going to church, I started pushing my loved ones away. As the summer was coming to an end I really spiraled downwards with finding ways to push everyone away and not wanting to do anything with them. There was a lot going on with me and my body, as I got my body taken care of I felt a little better but there was still a part of me that still wasn't right. I just know what it was at the time.

     Now fast forward to June 10, 2018, this is the day that truly changed my life and what began my new journey.

     That night I was sitting in the camper on the couch with Nan. That night she was sitting in her chair listening to Nancy Harmon on Facebook. Nancy that night had two guest Prophet, Kimberly, and Jimmy. That night Prophet Kimberly was preaching and sing to the music that Nancy Harmon records and sings herself. As I was sitting on the couch I was listening to the service as I was doing something else and as Prophet Kimberly was preaching it felt like she was talking to me, but I kept it to myself. As service kept going I found myself getting more into it, then all of a sudden Nan turned and looked at me and asked: " Have you ever thought about accepting the Lord into your heart?" I kind of looked at her puzzled for a second. For me that came out of nowhere, so I told her I have thought about it and that yes I wanted to. Before I could get more words out of my mouth I felt all the different emotions flooding in like they did those two Sundays in church.
   Nan then gets up and said, " we are doing this." I get up and she to me to take her hands and to repeat after her. As I was repeating after her the tears just rolling down my face, it was like the floodgates just busted open for the first time in years. I some point I couldn't repeat a few words because I was crying and had a hard time to get words out of my mouth. I've cried a lot before but this was different, it felt like the tears were washing away my past, the pain, all my wrongdoings, all the burdens I kept all these years and the grudges. I felt all the weight I was carrying all these years be lifted up and be gone, I had a fresh new start to my life.

     As I started this new journey, I have had my struggles but every day  I am fighting this battle with the enemy and as every day passes I keep getting stronger. I am no longer letting the devil control my life, I am stepping up and taking control. He has no power anymore and he is to get behind me and take a hike. With all the support of my family, I know I can do this, but more of all I thank the Lord for guiding me through this journey. Our God is a mighty God. When I do have bad days I play my all time favorite song  I have come to Far to look back By Nancy Harmon and it helps me get through my day.

   This month January 10th will make 7 months that I have been on my journey with our Lord and Savior and it has been wonderful. I have read all of the New Testament, I have been studying God's Word and keeping a binder with all my Bible study notes, I go to morning and night services every Sunday and keep my notes from those services. All of this has truly helped me grow my relationship with God and I have noticed more good things are coming out from my bad situations.
In one of my Bible study topics Hardship, I read that we need to believe that when we go through hard times, the result will be good and that we need to remember that God is going to work it out for our good.
These last few months have had their ups and downs, but I have my faith even when there have been times that I wanted to give up but I remind myself I don't want to go back to who I was before. God, my faith and my family keep me going.
Last month (December) was truly something, it felt like it was my biggest test. From December 3rd till December 26th there has been loss, sickness, discouragement within the church for me, my van  getting hit in the rear, my van breaking down on my husband as he was coming home from work, the van had to have two new parts, then bringing it to another garage the day after Christmas to get the rear end fixed. But in the end there was always good, they might have not happened right there and then but that has happened. When the good always happens it was in different ways. This is where we need to believe that God is always working things out for us to have good in the end. During these events last month I did cry and wonder how are things going to work out but I remembered to just say " You got this God, you will find a way" and because I have changed my life and now serving the Lord, I don't stress out the way I use too and that it has made things easier for me.
 Not a day goes by that I don't regret accepting the Lord. It was one of the best decisions I made for me and my family. If you asked my son and daughter who loves them or who is in their heart, they will tell you their answer and it is Jesus and they know the true meaning of Christmas and it isn't about how many gifts they are going to get. They know it is celebrating Jesus' birthday. This Christmas when we sat down to eat, my son says a prayer as normal and at the end, he said, Happy Birthday Jesus. My son and daughter for only 4 and 2, to know that my husband and I are doing something right, it makes us feel really good.

  Lord,
I come to you tonight asking that whoever is reading this that you give them the strength in whatever that they are going to though, hard times, sickness, financial, guiding them through their walk with you, Lord. Touch your people tonight, Lord. I praise you Lord, Hallelujah. I love you, Lord.
In Jesus name.
Amen