When I was saved over a year ago, I knew that I was going to be battling with the enemy a lot while I was on this walk with the Lord, but I never thought that I was going to get lost. I never thought that I would be struggling this bad to find my way back and keep going on my walk with the Lord. But I am here to say the struggle is real and that it does happen. This struggle is different from any kind of struggle that I have ever been in, this is something that is so emotionally and spiritually exhausting. You are fighting a war that you think that you are never going to win but it is possible to win. When it comes to the enemy, he will find any crack no matter how small to get in and start destroying EVERYTHING you worked hard on. It is up to you to let God in and help you start fighting this war that the enemy started. Though if you are not willing to let God in, you won't be able to do it on your own. The enemy will make you think that it's all normal with what is going on, he will attack you with your weaknesses. For me, I ended up letting him attack me with my anxiety. With my anxiety, I have a hard time being around a large group of people and it doesn't matter if the large group of people are my friends and family. I start to shut down, I get irritated with anyone no matter what they said or did. I start to think that I am not wanted, that they would be better off without me in the room, so I will exit and go somewhere else and not even tell someone cause I tell myself that they wouldn't care anyway. The enemy made me thinking that it didn't matter if I went to church or not, so I lost my excitement for going to church and getting feed, I stopped studying the Word and stopped working in my workbook for school to become a minister/teacher. I lost all my passion for it all. I will admit that I really didn't think twice about it for a while until one day as I was cleaning I was moving my bible and it hit me and I asked myself "What have I done?". It also really started sinking in when my aunt came over to visit and she pulled me aside and said that she had a vision or dream that I was walking backward as if someone had the rewind button going but at the same time it was like someone was trying to pull me back to keep going on my walk. This in a way really made me open my eyes, but what really kicked it all back in gear for me, was this past Sunday. I went to church with my cousin and as I walked into the church, I felt something come alive in me again. How I can really explain it, it is like someone turned on the furnace in me as high as it will go. I felt something that has been missing for the last couple of months. So for the first time since August, I finally sat down opened my bible and started working on my school work. I have been found again and it feels so good, I have missed me and never in the beginning that I not only lost my way in my walk but I also lost me. It is possible to be found and it is never too late to start your walk back up with the Lord. God is a forgiving God and we all need to remember that. Our God isn't going to hold our past against us, He isn't going to punish us for losing our way. He is going to right there to help us with our walk again. It is ourselves that we need to forgive and know that no matter what God will always love us no matter what. He there for us to talk to and put everything that is bothering us into His hands and He will take care of it for us. Our Lord is such a loving God, and I truly forgot about it because I let the enemy invade my life. I am now fighting back because this fight is worth fighting and I have God on my side and the enemy doesn't like that but I say oh well, this is my life and the enemy has not more power over me and I will fight till the day the Lord comes and gets me.
I was once lost but now I am found!!!!
Father,
Thank you for always being there for me, even when I thought that I wasn't worth it. Thank you for being the loving and forgiving God that you are. I am blessed and thankful. Thank you for giving me a family that loves me and supportive no matter what.
In Jesus name,
Amen
